There's something very....... sinister about ducks. In everything they do. The way they walk, the way they STARE. That bizarre V-shape which they fly in. In fact, there is something more than simply sinister. My intrepid team of investigators have in fact discovered a harrowing truth. Ducks....... the the agents of the DEVIL!

You may think my theory on the EVILNESS of ducks is just mad ramblings, but NO! There is a strong scientific basis for behind it. Did you know that duck quacks DONT echo....... and scientists can't figure out why. There's something very wrong about that. And also, they DONT HAVE A SHADOW!!! You watch a duck walk into the sun, light will remain all around them. They final, and by far the most mysterious, of the mysteries of the duck is their total lack of reflection. If a duck is walking along with a chicken, and they walk past a mirror. ONLY THE CHICKEN WILL HAVE A REFLECTION!!! They are like vampires.

Ducks have been present at every site of extreme evil. Even if it is casually flying overhead, it will be circling, watching, spreading the evil for its dark master. Look at any photo of a murder scene, and somewhere, even if its a tiny dot in a window, a DUCK will be watching. Did you know that Adolf Hitler, that insane anti-semitic genocidal mad-man, had a pet duck? Yes, all the top-secret plans for the holocaust, were all masterminded by a Mallard.

And thats not all! My investigators have finally managed to solve the long-running mystery around the shooting of President John F. Kennedy. Yes, thats right, it was a DUCK behind the grassy knoll! Those beady eyes hide the killer gase of a sniper. And you know that film, The Birds? That was no horror movie. That was adapted from the true tale of a swarm of ducks that decended upon the sleepy town of Beilberg, Austria. When Police finally responded to the frantic calls for help, all they found were skeletons picked clean of flesh, with a few errant feathers.

But the ducks aren't limited simply to mass-slaughter, oh no! They are FAR more cunning in their plots to bring misery to the common people. A little-documented fact about the infamous Manhattan Project is that there was a small, innocent-looking duck pond just by where the scientists used to stay. And many scientists would go to bed with a complete mental block as to how to proceed, then wake up the next morning with their head full of ideas, almost..... almost as if someone, or someTHING, had whispered them in the night. Coincidence?

Now I come to the most chilling of all our findings. We have discovered that ducks played a part in the construction of the most terrible thing known to man. A construction that daily brings new misery and horror to thousands of innocent people. yes, thats right, a DUCK was the chief engineer behind the M25!

So, citizens of the world, I implore you! Stop feeding ducks bread, for you are feeding all the evil in the world. Instead, try feeding them cyanide.