Adam "Oh, for the love of bananas" Mason - Adam can fit into loads of these categories. He almost made the ABSOLUTE BEST FRIENDS one. But I thought Id put him into the football mates bit, as he is the guiding light behind the Bournes strategy. The master tactician, the great (well, sometimes) goalkeeper, and another web wizard! Only downside is a bizarre love of watching fat men in lycra jump on each other. Yes, wrestling. Oh, dear.

Nick "Chin up!" Paterson - Bourne's Right back, and so my opposite position. He's a right laugh. THE KING BULLSHITTER! He tends to blame stuff on the LAST POSSIBLE person it could be, including yourself!!! Logic? Not in Nick's world.

Owen Edwards - Centre-back. And Ginger. What more can I say! Seriously, Owen is never mean, or insulting, and he REALLY does try to be funny. Its just a shame he never pulls it off, thats all.

Nick Stevens - A BLINDING midfielder. With silky smooth ball skills, can flummox any defender (cept maybe me...) He's also a good mate! A bit quiet, but WELL cool! I make DAMN sure he's on my team, so he can tell me who else to have!

James Whittel - Another centre-back. The big man at the back! Who I kinda managed to accidently castrate at one of our training sessions, with a stunningly accurate ball to the nads. Sorry! James is the man, and that barrier is the crowning glory of my collection! (few people will understand that either!)

Matt Cox - Umm..... yes. Matt. Guess you'd call him a central defender. I think? Matt has an unfortunate taste in music. Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, and Korn. Good, arent they? um.... no. I won,t talk about his footballing skills, because the bourne website covers THAT pretty thoroughly! Otherwise, matts ok, if VERY annoying sometimes.

Richard Jenner - HYPERACTIVE midfielder. Runs around like a nutter, while shouting "EXXcellent" whenever the opponents make a mistake. Reminds me of an evil genius, you know, on Bond Films. "I vill take over da VORLD!!! HAHAHAHAHA" Has all these Views. Like on Cannabis. Lighten up, Rich!

Ollie White - A forward, I think? A good Striker, anyway. Ollies a laugh. And also seems to be one of the ONLY people who can actually score in a open goal, and thats not always true, is it??? Oh, and Ollie? Can you NOT nick any more For Sale signs and dump them in my garden please? It WASNT funny.

Daniel Fitzharris - Really, Fitzy just makes our games unfair. TOO good, for his own good. One of these days im gonna break his legs!!! He's pretty quiet, but cool. Friends with the big ape Keith though, which worries me.

Keith Todd - The big ape! Our 3rd Goalkeeper, Keith is quite funny. He just sits down in front of the ball! The bizarre thing is, it WORKS! Keith, well, he isn't the sharpest tool in the box. Some of the things he comes out with are classics!

Darryl Potter - Doesn't actually play at the Bourne, but anyway..... Darryl's body doesn't seem to have aged at the same speed as everyone elses. The poor boy has the legs of a child! However, this doesn't stop him in his quest to sky any attempt on goal that he ever gets! Sorry Darryl. A mean card player though (mean as in cheats!).